covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
