The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
