All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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