Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
