the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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