Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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