Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
