My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
