ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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