I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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