god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
