I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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