I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
