I don't usually arrange sex via text message
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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