he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
