he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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