I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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