i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
