Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
