Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
