it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
