something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
