porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Pants are for mortals
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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