How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
This girl is more easily done than said...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
