Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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