mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
