you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
