Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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