the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize