dude i'm inner monologue high
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
