yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
