I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Mom said you looked used
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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