absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
