I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
