I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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