its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
