Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize