Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
