You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
