I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
