You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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