very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
