My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
