careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
