he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
