I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
