just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
