the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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