My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
