did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
