the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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