I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
