Christians are straight up FREAKS
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
