were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
