Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
