the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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