I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
