just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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