Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
