none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Found your dick twin last night
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
