I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
