is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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