Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
