glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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