No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize