Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
