see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
