i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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