I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
