What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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