If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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