Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
accomplished twins. life is a go
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Dear god my vagina.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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