And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
