The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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