Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
