Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
