Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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