hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
