I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
